You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
