Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
