Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
