I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
