i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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