yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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