just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
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