Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
