i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
