3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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