I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
