he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
