did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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