I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
