If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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