I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
