Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
