Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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