the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
