She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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