It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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