if i can run in heels then i can drive
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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