Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
