I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I cut my penus on the lid.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
