Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
