guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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