So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
