If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
