you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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