I'm jealous of your bromance
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
