i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
