he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
