The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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