Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize