Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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