Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
All the doctor said was why
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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