woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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