I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Help. Why am I so naked?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
