My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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