ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
