isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
