Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize