are you still at the devil's house?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
