I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
