no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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