Reggie can tackle my bush.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Dicks are not precious.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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