I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
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I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
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I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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