just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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