I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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