Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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