I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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