Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Drake has all the answers
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
