Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
4 words: hood of his car
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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