She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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