Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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