Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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