I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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