I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
