i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
