Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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