i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Couch. On fire.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize