I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
