I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
