and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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