I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
