Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
