just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
