I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
why does every cop we meet know your name?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
