I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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