Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
