apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
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All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
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I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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